


come into my troubles, i'll take you by the hand

by creepypaola



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Banter, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, No proofreading we die like i medici, Spies & Secret Agents, Unresolved Sexual Tension, a bit melancholic on that side, a lot of it, but only if u squint and if u want to see it, but who knows, caleb is a coky little shit and i love him, hopefully i'll finish the second chapter, i started this a year ago almost and im just tired of seeing it in my wips folder, past the mighty nein, potentially, theres only one bed at one point, they never met essek tho, very slight past widofjord, who knows - Freeform, wouldnt be a fic of mine otherwise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:21:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23018500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creepypaola/pseuds/creepypaola
Summary: As soon as they turn around the corner, Essek grabs Caleb by the shoulder and slams him against the wall, pressing his forearm on his neck under his chin.“It’s not a secret that I do not like you, Widogast, and to be fair, I do not trust you either.” His jaw is set and his words are barely above a hiss. “For some reason though, she does, so I’m willing to give you a chance. For two days. We get there, I do my thing, you do yours, we get back. Quick and simple. Do not try to pull any funny games, you would regret it.”Caleb raises his chin at him and grins. Before Essek can even process it, Caleb slides out of his grasp, twisting the drow’s arm behind his back, pressing his cheek against the wall. Essek can’t see his face anymore, but Caleb’s smirk can be heard through his even words, “I’d be disappointed otherwise, Thelyss.”Caleb and Essek are forced to work together. It's a whole ride.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	come into my troubles, i'll take you by the hand

**Author's Note:**

> Title translated from "La banalità del mare" by Pinguini Tattici Nucleari.  
> (it's an italian band, please go listen to them)

“You two will be working together, and I do not want to hear any complaints. Understood?”

Leylas Kryn is glaring at the two wizards standing in front of her with sharp blue eyes. She had called them both in her rooms for a _private meeting regarding undisclosed matters_ , which usually meant _secret mission that I do not trust the council to be aware of._ They both had their fair amount of this kind of tasks along the years, but it was the first time they were ever asked to join forces.

None of them had been pleased by the announcement, obviously.

“As much as I am certain that you are both competent agents, as you’ve proven yourselves to be many times already, this is an entirely different situation. It is a very delicate issue that will require both of your skills, and I’m confident enough you’ll manage to overcome your mistrust in each other and complete the assignment fairly quickly and without any kind of trouble.” The familiar smile on her face disappears as her tone shifts to a much colder and threatening one, “Or do I have to revalue my judgements?”

She stares at them with a raised eyebrow until they both silently nod, before smiling again, “Good. It’s settled then. Your things have already been gathered and are waiting for you in the teleportation room. See you in two days, I’m sure you won’t disappoint me.”

With a snap of her fingers, the door behind them opens and they both nod again and then leave the chamber. As soon as they turn around the corner, Essek grabs Caleb by the shoulder and slams him against the wall, pressing his forearm on his neck under his chin.

“It’s not a secret that I do not like you, _Widogast_ , and to be fair, I do not trust you either.” His jaw is set and his words are barely above a hiss. “For some reason though, she does, so I’m willing to give you a chance. For two days. We get there, I do my thing, you do yours, we get back. Quick and simple. Do not try to pull any funny games, you would regret it.”

Caleb raises his chin at him and grins. Before Essek can even process it, Caleb slides out of his grasp, twisting the drow’s arm behind his back, pressing his cheek against the wall. Essek can’t see his face anymore, but Caleb’s smirk can be heard through his even words, “I’d be disappointed otherwise, _Thelyss_.”

He gives him one last tug and then starts walking down the hallway, “Come on, we’ve got work to do.”

Essek watches as Caleb carelessly jogs down the stairs in front of them. Once out of sight, he leaves out a frustrated sigh and follows him.

_This is going to be a nightmare._

When Essek finally reaches the basement room, Caleb is already there at the center of the circle stretching his arms above his head, a couple of daggers peeking through his cloak.

“Took you long enough.” His voice is calm, but the mischievous look he gives Essek can be barely concealed. “Bathroom break? Do we need to make stops along the journey?”

Essek almost tells him to _fuck off_ but doesn’t, his jaw so clenched he’s sure it’s going to earn him a headache very soon. Instead, he just steps into the circle and with a snap of his fingers and a hissed _let’s go_ the runes carved into the stone underneath them light up. A light blue shimmer surrounds them, and in the blink of an eye they are gone.

They find themselves in a basement almost identical to the one they were in moments before; teleportation circles like these, they know, can be found hidden in similar rooms all over the land, much quicker ways of moving than any other mean of transport, and less noticeable too. They pick up their bags and walk up the stairs at the end of the chamber and then step outside. The sky is inky and no stars can be seen.

“We should take advantage of the dark and scout the location now.” Essek skims trough the notes that the Bright Queen had given them that same afternoon and looks around. “Make a plan tomorrow, then act at night again, and before they can notice anything missing, we are back in Rosohna.”

Caleb is already walking ahead of him when he stops dead in his tracks and turns. “Yessir!” He gives him a mocking salute and tries to stay serious but fails and burst into laughs after just a couple of seconds.

Essek glares at him and sighs, “Are you always like this?” He strides past Caleb shaking his head, “How you managed to reach these ranks is beyond me.”

Caleb’s smile doesn’t leave his lips as he catches up with Essek before throwing an arm across his shoulders in a side hug, “Same as you did, _schneeflocke.”_ Essek bites the inside of his cheeks and keeps looking at the empty road in front of him, “A knack for the arcane, a sharp mind and a disarming smile.”

The man winks at him and then walks ahead until they both stop a few houses away from what seems to be a very fancy building. The place looks well secured behind tall iron gates and with several guards protecting the perimeter.

Caleb leans against the wall at his right, “I count four of them outside, probably a few more inside. Let’s see.” His eyes go white as he quietly snaps his fingers behind his back. Frumpkin appears near the fences on the side of the estate and swiftly jumps between the metal spikes. Caleb grips Essek’s arm and the drow suddenly holds his breath and goes still.

After a couple of minutes Caleb blinks again and the bright blue of his irises comes back as the cat makes his way back to the duo. Caleb crouches down and scratches the fur between his ears, “ _Good boy_.”

The familiar then disappears again and Essek pretends those words did absolutely nothing to him.

“As I was saying, three more guards inside in front of the main entrance and two protecting the door on the other side.” He considers it for a moment “I’d go for that one, the trees in the back could give us some cover, and it will be less noticeable anyway.”

Essek hums, “We’ve got to be fast, though. Patrol circles the perimeter every fifteen minutes.” He turns to face Caleb, but the man’s eyes are focused elsewhere, his brows furrowed. “What now?”

“Your fingers.” He nods at the drow’s hands.

Essek squints at him with a puzzled look on his face, “I have ten, what about them.”

“You keep moving them, it’s kind of distracting honestly.”

He follows Caleb’s eyes down and a second later his own fingers stop from tapping the side of his thighs, “ _Oh.”_

“You do that often?” A grin appears on Caleb’s face, “Or were you secretly casting something on me?”

“No, it’s just,” he stares at his left hand for a moment and then runs it across his hair, sighing “something unconscious, I guess. Uncasted magic gets itchy under my skin after a while. And don’t flatter yourself, _Widogast,”_ He pats Caleb’s shoulder and then starts heading back in the direction where they came from. “if I wanted to cast a spell on you, trust me, you wouldn’t notice it.”

They walk around the city for a while, getting accustomed with the planimetry of the streets and with the buildings, until they reach an inn at the outskirts of the nicer part of the town.

The room inside is pretty quiet, unsurprisingly give the hour: a couple of patrons sitting at the bar, some other sprawled half asleep at their own tables. They step inside and approach the counter, gesturing at the innkeeper.

She sets down a barrel and nods at them. “Just a moment boys.” She rolls her eyes at the figure hunched over a tankard near them “Go home, Gladier, or your wife will hear from me.” She then picks up the cask again and disappears inside the backroom.

The man sitting on one of barstools scoffs “Stop pestering me you too, Moire. It’s not even that late.” He seems to finally notice Caleb leaning against the counter next to him and elbows his side “Right? It’s not that late.”

Caleb tilts his head and then turns back to him “It’s 2:43 in the morning, sir. I guess it depends on your definition of _late._ ”

“Well, it is by _my_ definition.” The woman reappears in front of them again “The bar is closed, get your ass off my stools.”

Caleb watches entertained as the man scoffs again and finishes is ale all at once, before stumbling out of the inn murmuring under his breath.

“Sailors and their weird sleeping habits,” she sighs as both the wizards turn back to face her “miles away from the sea and yet it’s like they never left. Anyway, what can I do for you?”

“Yeah, I’m familiar with those antics.” In the corner of his eye, Essek notices something shifting in Caleb’s expression, a small quirk of his lips that lasts just a second, and maybe it’s a bit sad and maybe it’s a bit melancholic but it’s surely different from the one Essek saw hours earlier; but before he can think about it more it’s gone, and Caleb is speaking again. “We need a room for the night. We thought we could pass through the city in just one day, but it may be too late to continue travelling beyond the walls at this hour.”

“Smart decision, it’s not too safe out there during the night.” She reaches for the guestbook underneath the counter and starts flipping through the pages humming “I’ve got just one room left, unfortunately. There is some sort of important guest in town and most of the inns in this part of the district are full.”

“What kind of guest?” Essek leans forwards and smiles naively at the innkeeper when her expression gets vaguely suspicious “See, we are not from here and we’d like to avoid any kind of crowded place or gate so we can continue our travel faster.”

She seems convinced and hums, “Wrong person to be asking that to, young man. I’ve heard rumors about an auction happening around here tomorrow late in the evening.” She doesn’t notice the quick glance shared between the other two and continues, “I don’t know anything more than that, I don’t go questioning around, I just know that it brought clients and that now I need to get more ale. So, are you taking the room or not?”

“Gladly.” Caleb joyfully adds as he takes the key dangling from the woman’s fingers. “We will not annoy you anymore than what we already have.”

  
“Oh, don’t worry.” she smiles gently at the both of them “You two have been more polite in the past five minutes than all these slackers have been all night. If you need anything, I’ll be down here.”

“Thank you, and good night.” Essek nods at the innkeeper and then follows Caleb upstairs and into their room. He closes the door behind him and turns just in time to see man collapsing onto the bed pressed against one corner with a sigh.

Essek shakes his head and carefully folds his robe before placing it on the table along with his bag. “Don’t you even think about taking over the whole bed.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Caleb’s voice is muffled by the pillow pressed against his face. After a few seconds he drags himself up with a groan and sits up. He runs a hand through his hair and sloppily takes off his coat before delicately placing the holster with the books on the nightstand.  
  


“You are bleeding.” When Caleb looks up, Essek standing near him eyeing his left side, “You are aware of that, right?”

Caleb slightly touches his ribs immediately and hisses “Shit. I thought I had done a better job with these stitches.” He wipes his bloodied right hand on his legs before slowly and painfully starting to lift his shirt up over his head. To Essek’s surprise Caleb’s shoulders are way broader than how they look like when he’s dressed up.

Not that he has ever thought about Caleb’s shoulders by any means whatsoever, obviously.

Right below, Caleb's hest and abdomen are marked with scars, some old and white and some more recent. There is a big one that crosses his shoulder from back to front, but it seems mostly healed by now and the drow finds himself wondering what kind of fight must have caused it.

_Definitely not an easy one considering the length and depth of the cut_.

His focus shifts to his left side where the bandages are now drenched in blood. Caleb tiredly ties his hair up, apparently not caring about the blood on his hands, and looks up at him. “You don’t have by chance a thread and a needle with you, do you?”

Essek rolls his eyes “Yes, so you can split you side open again in five hours? Great idea Widogast. Stay still, if you can.” He crouches down with a sigh and faintly caress the skin after undoing the bandages, earning another hiss in response. “Sorry. It will just take a moment.”  
  


As soon as Essek’s hand comes near the wound there’s a small grey spark from his fingertips and slowly the cut starts sewing itself closed, the skin around it turning from red to purple and yellow along with the bruises surrounding it.

“You could have mentioned it earlier. How did you even get yourself this injured?”

There’s a small wrinkle between Essek’s furrowed brows and Caleb has to restrain himself from raising his hand to try to smooth it out. “You might have to be more specific. This particular one or the whole set?”

Essek snorts and shakes his head “Both, I guess. You have a mighty collection of scars and bruises for a wizard as powerful as you.”

Caleb smirks and tilts his head, amused “ _A wizard as powerful as you_. Is this what they say about me or is this coming from you, personally?” Essek stops and glares up at him but before he can reply Caleb continues “No, don’t tell me, I don’t want to know.”

He winks at him again and Essek silently goes back to his work without saying a word. Caleb smiles and runs a hand through his hair “Well, let’s see. That one you are so kindly healing is pretty recent, a day or two old. A nasty job in the Empire, crownguards are _not_ happy when they find out you aren’t one of them but are just posing as one. Very rude of them to go down this hard on a fellow citizen. Well. Ex- citizen, I guess. Anyway, I thought I had time to fix it properly once back on Rosohna but, as you know, duty called.”

“Is that why you are so often sent there? You grew up in the empire?”

Essek still doesn’t look up and so he can’t see Caleb suddenly clenched jaw. “Yes and no. I was born there yes, but _grew up_ isn’t really the term I’d use. _Trained_ is better." He takes a breath and continues, "Then stuff went down, a lot of travelling happened and well, now I’m here.”

Essek notices a bitter undertone in his voice and decides to not press any further, “Hm. An adventurer then. Is that where all of these come from?”

Caleb lets out a breath he didn’t notice he was holding and drops his shoulders slightly, relieved. “Yeah, we had quite the number of adventures, my, uhm, friends and I. One of them is actually who I have to thank for this big scar here.” He raises his right hand and traces the jagged white line across his shoulder with a smile “Fun story this one, maybe I’ll tell you about it one day.”

“Friend? Weird way to call someone that almost maimed your arm.”

“Oh, it was just a misunderstanding.”

“If you say so.” He snorts “Where are them now? Still travelling?”  
  


There’s a silence that stretches for way too long and Essek looks up to see Caleb staring at something indefinite outside the window and the melancholy he saw earlier downstairs is back once again on the man’s face. Essek bites the inside of his cheek and quickly adds “I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. Being, well, _me_ I know very well how it feels to lose someone.”

There’s one last spark and the cut is completely gone. He stands up and stretches his arm over his head. “Done. I really hope you’re not hiding anything else and that I don’t have to stop you again from bleeding to death in the middle of the mission tomorrow night.”

Caleb smiles faintly but keeps staring outside. Essek looks at him for a second before approaching the end of the mattress and sits down to unlace his boots. He slightly startles when Caleb speaks a few minutes later.

“They are not dead, if that’s what you meant. At least I don’t think they are. They, _we_ were always pretty adamant against the idea of going down easily and without a good fight. We had the terrible tendency to put ourselves in ugly situations all the time but that never stopped us from trying to do good.” He smiles again and finally turns is gaze away from the window to face Essek “We just, uhm, parted ways, one after the other. Some had personal questions that needed to be answered, some had families and homes to return to. Some were just tired after years of, well, of _this_. It wasn’t really a stable and easy life the one we had chosen.” He throws the ruined shirt on the floor and flops back on the bed again “Shit, I really do hope they are not.”

“You never heard from them again?”

“I have. But it’s been a while. This job doesn’t make it easy to settle down, and I wouldn’t even know where to find a few of them.”

He crosses his hands behind his head and smiles fondly. Whatever or whoever he is thinking about is making him look serene and Essek decides that peacefulness looks good on him.

“We even lived under the same roof for a while. I mean, we always did, since the beginning, inns and tents and what-a-not, but we actually got a house at one point. It was more an headquarter thing type of house, but it was nice to have somewhere we could always return to after months and months of travels across the continent. Many of us hadn’t had a proper home in decades. For some it was the very first one they ever had.”

Essek finally takes off his boots and leans back against the wall behind him. “Sounds more like a family than just friends.”

“Yeah, you could say that.” Caleb chuckles softly but there is a slight blue tinge to in his words.

“Well, maybe you should find them.”

Caleb looks at him like someone else’s face is staring at him and not Essek’s, and then down at the palm of his hand, before laying back again.

“Yeah, maybe I should. I still have a favor to cash” a pause, and then a faint smile, genuine and a bit hidden, “I think you would have liked them, actually. Insufferable bastards but good people nonetheless.”

They stay in silence like that for some minutes and Essek is pretty sure Caleb has fallen asleep when the man speaks again. “What about you? Family? Friends?” He props himself up on his elbows and raises an eyebrow at him, “ _Lovers?_ ”

Essek rolls his eyes for what it feels like the hundredth time this day, but his lips quirk up anyway. “Many,” he turns and returns the same look back to Caleb “In all three categories.”

He leans his head against the wall again and takes a breath, closing his eyes “But less than what one would expect me to have, considering my lifespan and well, the entire consecution process. You learn after the first few times to maybe not hold back, but to be more careful.”

He opens his eyes again and stares at the ceiling. When he speaks again, his voice is quiet. “Have you ever survived someone you loved, someone you cared about?”

His words feel like a kick to Caleb’s stomach, but he manages to hide it. Still, he can’t bring himself to speak up and reply, so he just hums in agreement.

“It’s not easy, isn’t it?” He doesn’t expect an answer, so he is not surprised when the question is met with even more silence. “It never becomes easier, just inevitable. It wouldn’t even be fair to say that you get used to it either, but you learn to appreciate the time you get and hope for more. You sort of accept it. You _have_ to accept it, for your own sake at least.”

“You’re wiser than they say, Thelyss.”

“Is this that really what they say about me or is this coming from you, personally?” Essek mocks him. Even without looking at him, he manages to block Caleb’s playful kick at his side.

“Wouldn't you like to know, _uh_?” There is a sense of easiness between them now, and maybe it’s the closeness or it’s the fact that it’s almost dawn, but the room feels… peaceful. “Can I ask you two things?”

“Sure, If I get to ask you two back”

“Deal.” He waits for a moment and then continues “Do you remember everything?”

Essek tilts his head and glances at Caleb. “From this life or the previous ones?”

Caleb considers it before replying “Both.”

The drow hums and goes back to staring at the ceiling. “Do you remember everything about your life?”

“No.” and Caleb’s voice is barely above a whisper.

“Me neither. I remember important facts. Events, or at least those attached to strong emotions, either them be grief and pain or happiness and joy. I remember places and brief moments. I remember faces. I remember voices. Weirdly, also specific feelings.” He pause for a second and then continues “Do you ever come across a perfume that seems familiar, or hear someone say a specific word in a specific tone or accent and you are hit with the feeling that it should remind you of something or someone but you just- you just can’t figure out what or who?”

“Like a deja-vu?”

“Yes, sort of. It’s something that you know well and yet you can’t place, you just know that’s it’s an experience you had before, but it’s just a feeling. Or something similar.” He chuckles tiredly “Sometimes I wonder if some of the memories that I have are even real or if they are just different pieces all blurred together to create a moment that never actually happened.”

He drags a hand across his face and then his hair before facing Caleb once more “What is the other question?”

Caleb yawns as an answer, “Do you ever sleep, or do I have to worry about you staring creepily at me while _I_ sleep?”

Essek glares at him “Why, would I ever do that. Is that what you think drows and elves do?”

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking. I mean, I know, but I never actually asked.”

Essek takes a deep breath and wonders what he has done for the Luxon to test him like this. “No, we, _I,_ don’t sleep in the common sense of the term. Three or four hours of meditation are enough.”

“So, you are not going to stare at me”

  
“No, Widogast, I’m not. Do you have any head injury I should be aware of?”

“You are funny one, Thelyss." He stretches his arms above his head and is Essek takes a peek at Caleb half naked body, no one is there to call him out on it. "Anyway, you may not need it, but I’ve been awake for two and half days and I need to sleep. If I’m not awake by midday feel free to pour cold water over my face.”

“Happily, just remember tomorrow that you’re the one who told me to do that.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” He turns to lay on his stomach and curses under his breath when he twists his left side. “Oh, and one more thing.”

“You said two questions.”

Caleb’s chuckle is muffled by the pillow, “I’m a man of word, two I asked and two I got. I just- well. Thank you for the whole healing thing. Definitely quicker than just waiting for it to recover by itself. I should keep you around more often.”

Caleb can’t see it but Essek cheeks take a bit of color. “Uhm, you’re welcome. Just ask next time, before bleeding out.”

“Will do.” He yawns again “Well, I’m out. Happy meditation time.”

Essek smiles quietly “Good night.” He closes his eyes and listens to Caleb’s breathing until it evens out and lets himself be lulled by it.

**Author's Note:**

> so, according to my word doc, i started this somewhere around eight months ago, wrote like most of it in one sitting and then never finished it. it still isnt finished (unsurprisingly), but i was tired of seeing it in my wip folder for so long so instead of publishing it in a single chapter, i decided to split it in two and so here we are. my only hope is that i'll find the will to finish the last part since ive been making no progress in the past months lmao.  
> im VERY behind cr, i think i stopped around september but ive read a few spoilers of the stuff that is happening NOW so im also hoping to find the will to catch up on that. i miss it. and i also miss writing so hopefully the two things will help each other out? and so maybe i'll also finish he other tmn fic ive been working on for even longer? who knows
> 
> as usual, unbetaed so if u spot something let me know!
> 
> u can find me on twitter and on tumblr, same @


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